News Flash


A new tomb was discovered. It is believed to belong to the most recent, the last ever Egyptian Pharaoh. As we no longer are allowed, by presidential decree, to have scientists, we are completely unable to decipher the hieroglyphs. You don’t know what they mean. I don’t know what they mean. Nobody knows what they mean.

A small band of nomads were seen in the area wearing black rimmed glasses and pocket protectors. They had measuring devices and were scratching numbers onto pieces of paper (paper, you will remember, was used in the pre-i historical period).

One of the nomads, who refused to be on camera or to be named, told us it was believed that this hieroglyph tells the story of how Egypt lost the science that had enabled them to build the pyramids when the orange-skinned wolf in sheep’s clothing known as Trumpachadnezzar came into power. At this time the media looked the other way while the new pharaoh grabbed at Wherevers, declared there was no Sea Eye A , and pronounced the Sun the one and only official god of the world, after himself. He also finally fixed Ra’s eye which had mistakenly been colored black since the beginning of time until Trumpachadnezzar restored it to the blue which the Sky God, being of the master race, always had.

Aren’t they a sweet group of misguided people? How could they possibly think they could tell all of that just from this one hieroglyph?  Next they’ll be telling us oil spills are bad for water when everyone knows water comes in bottles.

~Official News Agency Pravda  Fox Breitbart Doublespeak



Don’t Come Near Me With That Pig

Today’s words come from a statement by San Francisco International Airport (SFO). I guess you’ll call me an ogre, but I’m not a fan of other people’s therapy animals invading my space when I’m in public. Therapy animals is a real thing and I think they are important to a small segment of society. I think this is going too far.